Warm Beer
An actual letter sent to Miller Brewing Company and their response:
Miller Brewing Company
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53201
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have been a drinker of Miller beers for many years (actually, ever
since
that other company donated a big chunk of change to Handgun Control Inc.
Back in the mid 80`s). Initially, my beer of choice was Lite, but some
time in mid-1990 while in Honduras I switched to Mgd smuggled up from
Panama.
Now, for nearly six years, I have been a faithful drinker of Mgd. For
these past years, I have come to expect certain things from Genuine
Draft.
I expect that whenever I see that gold can of Mgd, I am about ready to
enjoy a great, smooth brew. But wait!
Sometime around the first of the year, my beloved Mgd changed colors, so
to
speak. That familiar gold can was no longer gold! Knowing that I am, by
nature, somewhat resistant to change, I forced myself to reserve
judgment
on the new can design. Gradually, I grew to appreciate the new label.
That
was until about May of this year.
That was when I discovered (empirically) that I really didn`t like the
new
design. Further investigation of the cause of my distress resulted in
the
following observations:
1. Your cans are made of aluminum.
2. Aluminum is a great conductor of energy.
3. Your beer is commonly consumed outside, and thus, the container may
be
exposed to sunlight.
4. Sunlight striking the can causes radiant warming of the surface of
the can.
5. The resultant heat (energy) is transferred through the aluminum, by
conduction, to the contents of the can (the beer).
6. Warm beer sucks.
This is a process that can be observed in just about any beer. However,
this process is significantly accelerated in Mgd because you painted the
damn can. . . Black! Who was the rocket scientist that designed the
new
graphic for the can and implemented the change right before summer?
Granted, this process may not be real evident up there in Wisconsin, but
down here in Oklahoma where the summers are both sunny and hot, this
effect
is quite a problem. There`s no telling what the folks in Texas and
Arizona
are having to put up with. Knowing that you would probably not address
this issue unless you had firm evidence of a problem, I and several
other
subjects conducted extensive experimentation. The results of these
experiments are listed below.
The experiments were conducted over two days on the deck next to my
pool.
The study included seven different types of beer (leftovers from a party
the previous weekennew
design. Further investigation of the cause of my distress resulted in
the
following observations:
1. Your cans are made of aluminum.
2. Aluminum is a great conductor of energy.
3. Your beer is commonly consumed outside, and thus, the container may
be
exposed to sunlight.
4. Sunlight striking the can causes radiant warming of the surface of
the can.
5. The resultant heat (energy) is transferred through the aluminum, by
conduction, to the contents of the can (the beer).
6. Warm beer sucks.
This is a process that can be observed in just about any beer. However,
this process is significantly accelerated in Mgd because you painted the
damn can. . . Black! Who was the rocket scientist that designed the
new
graphic for the can and implemented the change right before summer?
Granted, this process may not be real evident up there in Wisconsin, but
down here in Oklahoma where the summers are both sunny and hot, this
effect
is quite a problem. There`s no telling what the folks in Texas and
Arizona
are having to put up with. Knowing that you would probably not address
this issue unless you had firm evidence of a problem, I and several
other
subjects conducted extensive experimentation. The results of these
experiments are listed below.
The experiments were conducted over two days on the deck next to my
pool.
The study included seven different types of beer (leftovers from a party
the previous weekend) that were initially chilled to 38 (and then left
exposed to sunlight for different lengths of time). These beers were
sampled by the test subjects at different intervals. The subjects, all
normally Mgd drinkers, were asked at each sampling interval their
impressions of the different beers. The length of time between the
initial
exposure to sunlight and the point where the subject determined the
sample
undrinkable (the Suck-point) was determined. The average ambient
temperature for the trials was 95 degrees F.
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