25/03/2009

The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits.
7. Q: Why aren`t blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can`t even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde`s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They`ve never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that`s where you`re supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn`t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She`d just dyed her hair.
A2: She`d just blow dried her hair and she didn`t want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic`s greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they`re on their back.
16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of `em in a car and their fucked.
17. Q: What`s a blonde`s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde`s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde`s been using the computer?
A: There`s white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde`s been using the computer?
A: There`s writing on the white-out.
22. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don`t know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn`t like it because she couldn`t get channel 9.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don`t blondes eat Jello?
A: They can`t figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
30. Q: Why don`t blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can`t get their head in the jar.
31. Q: Why don`t blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can`t find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." 37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
38. Q: Why don`t blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
41. Q: Why don`t blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
42. Q: What`s the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I`m *sooo* drunk!" 43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I`m drunk!" 44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
45. Q: What`s a brunette`s mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!" 46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A: Because they can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
53. Q: How do you change a blonde`s mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won`t give in?
A: "Have another beer." 55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
56. Q: What`s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.
58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
59. Q: What`s the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.
64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!" A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?" A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Who were all those guys?
65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she`s been laid all over the country.
67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?* 69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He`s had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!" 72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde`s ear?
A: Data transfer.
73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "`Debbie`...that`s cute. What did you name the other one ?" 76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don`t know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What`s a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" 78. Q: What`s a blonde`s favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!" 79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They`re doing research on black holes.
82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
84. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it`s mine?
86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it`s mine?" 87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
97. Q: What`s the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don`t lend the Porsche out to your friend.
99. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don`t let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can`t fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They`re both round and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don`t eat your bowling ball 102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they`ll both end up in the gutter.
103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
105. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
106. Q: What`s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only `had` 10000 men.
108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won`t follow you around for a week.
109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They`re both empty from the neck up.
112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
113. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
115. Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
116. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don`t tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

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